12313) If you really knew me you would know that I was one of the loneliest people on this earth growing up.If you really knew me you would know that I survived suicide and still breath the air in my lungs to this day. If you really knew me you would know how I feel to see a lonly person thinking that they are the only one with problems, and that there is no one in this world for them. If you really knew me you would know that I suffered from severe depression for about 5 years and that I was bullied since I was 4 until I turned 15. If you really knew me, you would know that I was raped at 14 by a close friend, a friend no more. If you really really knew me, you would know how hard it was to overcome this horrid secret that I still yet keep to myself. If you really knew me you would know that I still yet suffer from verbal and emotional abuse from both my parents, that my younger sibling is their “personal favorite.” If you really knew me, you would give me those looks behind my back, and you wouldn’t make fun of me all those time you did. No, if you really knew me you would speak to me with respect and love.
12311) If you really knew me, you’d know that there’s this guy whom I kind of liked. Last week, we talked for the first time. There was that amazing feeling of me realizing that he really likes me too.
12309) If you really knew me you would know that every day and every night my life flashes before my eyes and even though I go about like everything is better now and I am a confident 19 year old girl the truth is only a part of me believes that. The rest of me wishes I would vanish. I am ashamed and disappointed in myself.
12308) You’d know that I let my wall completely down for you. I’d never wanted someone as much as I wanted you. And it hurt like shit when you chose her. When all you had to do was be honest from the beginning. You made me feel not good enough or worthy of you. But the thing that hurt the most, was losing the one person I talked to every single day, about anything. And on top of that, I miss you terribly.
12307) you would know that you were never there when it mattered. when you ask me for my time, even when i’m busy, i’ll walk away for a couple of minutes to be there for you… like no matter what, except for school or when i’m asleep. but you? you would somehow always be busy, give me an excuse, and not even schedule a time for us to talk later on. and the thing you don’t know is that i usually tell people only one piece of private information. so you missed out. and every time you lose a little bit of my trust because i gave you my world. i would do anything for you, but…
12306) If you really knew me, you would know that I feel like I’m alone. I feel like I have no friends. My boyfriend can’t cheer me up, he doesn’t even try. He doesn’t call me beautiful or gorgeous, and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. My bestfriend can be such a fucking bitch. But I have to put up with her, but sometimes I just want to say fuck it. You would know that my parents fight every fucking day. And as soon as my mom starts to cry, my stepdad looks at me and tells me it’s my fault. I grew up believing everything was my fault, and I still do. You would know that I hold everything in, the sadness, the anger, everything, hoping one day I won’t explode. And finally you would know that, I’m not happy, I wear a fake smile, and I pretend. My whole life is a joke. But you wouldn’t know, because well, you don’t know me.
12304) You would know that I am terrified to come out as bisexual to my family and friends. I believe in my heart of hearts they would be disappointed in me and treat me differently. God, I just don’t know how to go about this.